As Aaron returned home,
his thoughts turned to the events of the previous day. There was no way he
could deny the attraction he felt for Jay. He had a great time last night
playing darts with Jay and Tommy. It was one of his favorite sports, next to
surfing, and while he wasn’t a great dart player, he could hold his own and
really loved the game. After climbing the stairs to his small apartment over a
seedy strip club, he opened the door and for some reason, felt reluctant to
enter. He looked around as if seeing it for the very first time. If Jay were to ever see this place, he’d
know what a total loser I am and that would most likely be the end of our
friendship. He knew something else was there, but his mind refused to
acknowledge what his heart was trying to tell him. He searched around and found
what he was looking for. He got out his cell phone and dialed the number on the
business card he was holding.
“Kyle Matthews-Williams
Foundation, Kailani speaking. How can I help you?”
“Hi, this is Aaron
Suarez. I was wondering if I could make an appointment to speak with Tommy
Adams. He was the grief counselor who helped me when my boyfriend was killed by
a bunch of drunken boaters a year ago.”
“One moment please.”
Music filtered into the phone as he was placed on hold. A minute later, the
receptionist came back on the line. “Tommy has openings tomorrow morning,
Tuesday and Wednesday afternoons. When would be a good time for you, or do you
need to speak with one of our grief counselors sooner than tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow morning would
be fine.”
“How about ten o’clock?”
“That would be perfect.”
“Okay you’re all set for
ten tomorrow morning with Tommy. Is there anything else I can help you with?’
“Nope I’m good. Thank you
and have a great rest of your day.”
“Thank you, Mister
Suarez. You have a great one too. Bye bye.” The receptionist hung up.
Great. Maybe he can help me figure out what’s happening to me. He grabbed his car keys
and, after checking to see how much money he had in his wallet, headed out to
go grocery shopping. An hour later he returned and started unloading groceries.
Okay, they invited me to spend the
afternoon with them. I’d like to do something for them to thank them, but what?
Despite Jay’s reassurances regarding his financial situation, Aaron still felt
that once they found out how poor he actually was, they’d drop him like a hot
potato. He wasn’t looking for anything other than some friends to hang out
with. When his boyfriend Iukekini died, he basically shut out all of his
friends, most of whom he had met though him. Fair or not, he blamed them for
Iukekini’s death. Aaron had been in the Air Force and was stationed at Hickham
Air Force base when they met. It was love at first sight. When Aaron’s time in
the Air Force was up, he decided to stay in Hawaii and, with Iukekini’s help,
was able to get a job with the fire department. He loved being a firefighter
and had contemplated becoming a paramedic, but after his death, he gave up on
the idea, his death affecting him deeply, so deeply that it started affecting
his job performance. His station chief ordered him to take some time off and
get counseling. It was at Kyle’s post-funeral party at Nighttown Waikiki that
he learned about the Kyle Matthews-Williams Foundation so he decided to go and
see if he could talk with a grief counselor. He was given an appointment for
that afternoon with Tommy, which was lucky because they were very busy.
One year ago…
When the appointed time
arrived he announced himself to the receptionist who buzzed Tommy to let him
know that his next appointment had arrived. Tommy came out of his office and
asked the receptionist to point him out. No one was ever called by name in the
lobby. Privacy and anonymity were the utmost priority. Tommy approached Aaron
and said simply, “Please come with me.” Aaron just sat there for a minute or
two before he realized that he was being addressed. He expected his name to be
called by the receptionist. After an awkward moment he got up and followed
Tommy. Once they were inside the office and the door was closed, Tommy extended
his hand. “Hi, Aaron, I’m Tommy. How can I be of help to you?”
“I’m not sure. My station
chief told me that I had to take some time off and get counseling.”
“What type of
counseling?”
Aaron replied by
shrugging his shoulders. Tommy decided to take a different track. “Why does
your station chief feel you need counseling?”
“I guess because I’m
having problems concentrating at work.”
“What type of work do you
do?” Tommy guessed that he was either a cop, firefighter or in the Coast Guard
due to his reference to his station chief.
“I’m a firefighter.”
“That’s a tough job, and
I, for one, appreciate you and your fellow firefighters putting your lives on
the line and the sacrifices you all make to protect us, our lives and our
property.” Tommy responded sincerely. Aaron nodded in response, clearly not
expecting to hear that. “So why are you having problems concentrating at work?”
“A few days ago, my
boyfriend was killed.” The floodgates opened. Tommy quickly held out a box of
tissues and sat there silently until Aaron calmed down.
“I’m very sorry for your
loss. Do you want to talk about it?” He said gently.
Aaron blew his nose and
nodded. “He was waterskiing when a bunch of drunks cut across his tow line and
he was dragged underwater. He was pulled into the propellers and killed.” Aaron
started crying hysterically. Tommy wanted to take him into his arms and comfort
him, but that would have been unprofessional, so he settled for laying a
compassionate hand on his arm. Eventually Aaron settled down and they began to
talk about his life with Iukekini and what he was feeling. Once a week for
several months they met and just talked. Aaron had long since returned to work
and, as far as work was concerned, was back to normal. His personal life,
however, was far from normal. He had withdrawn from all of his friends, and
eventually had to move out of the apartment he shared with Iukekini because he
could no longer afford it. After that his life consisted of work and home. He
only went out when being at home became too unbearable. When he did go out,
he’d sit by himself, not talking with anyone and refusing any advances. He
would get quietly drunk then have the bartender call him a cab. Eventually his
friends stopped calling him and just left him alone. His co-workers tried
everything they could think of to help him, but after a while they too gave up.
Now, though, he found
himself not wanting to be alone anymore. He needed a friend, and it would
appear he found one in Jay. His mind wouldn’t accept the possibility that Jay
could be more than just a friend.
Aaron returned a several
hours later. “Yes?” a disembodied voice asked over the gate intercom. “It’s
Aaron Suarez. Jay invited me over this afternoon.” There was no response, but
the gate slid open. He drove up to the house and was met at the door by Jay.
“I’m glad you came back.
What’s all this?” he asked, noticing the various bags he was carrying.
“I stopped by the store
and bought some supplies to replenish what I used for breakfast and also
thought that I could make dinner for you guys. I really love to cook, but it’s
hard to cook for just one. I hope you don’t mind.”
“You really didn’t have
to do all this. Dinner does sound nice, though. What else ya got?” indicating
the square black bag slung over one shoulder and the small gym bag slung over
the other.
“You told me to bring my
swim trunks and a change of clothing.” He indicated the gym bag. “Last night in
the living room I noticed that you had a lot of games, so I kinda figured you
guys like to play board and card games. I brought a really cool one over that I
saw you didn’t have called Chaos Isle[1].”
“Awesome. Let me help you
put the stuff away and we can play. Or do you need more than two people?”
“Chaos Isle can be played
with anywhere from one to six people.”
“Really? You can play it
by yourself?”
“Yeah, that’s just one of
the ways.”
“I take it that that’s what’s
in the black bag?”
“Yeah.”
“Damn. The game must be
huge if it fills up a bag that size.”
“No, actually it’s quite
small. I just have multiple copies of it.”
“Really? Why’s that?”
“I’m what you call a
Chaos Isle Survivor. I go to different game stores and put on demos of the game
and host tournaments as part of their organized play program. I have four
complete sets for tournaments, and one starter set for teaching and demoing the
game.”
“Yes and no. It’s
expandable, but not collectible. Unlike Magic where you have to buy a lot of
starters and boosters in hopes of getting all of the cards, when you buy Chaos
Isle, you get every card.”
“So it’s more like Killer
Bunnies?”
“You guys play Bunnies?”
“We used to. We haven’t
played since Kyle died. It was his all-time favorite game.”
“Quest for the Magic
Carrot. I’ve never heard of the other two.”
“I don’t have Odyssey
yet. It’s brand new and is sold out as soon as the store gets a shipment in.
They’ve promised to hold a set for me. As for Jupiter, perhaps some time I can
bring it over and show you guys how to play. I actually like it better than
Quest.”
“Like what better than
Quest, Aaron?” Tommy asked, coming in after finishing up cleaning the pool.
“Apparently there are two
other Killer Bunnies games out there, Killer Bunnies and the Journey to Jupiter
and Killer Bunnies and the Ultimate Odyssey.”
“Awesome. I’d love to check
them out. Bunnies rocks!”
“I was just telling Jay
that I don’t have Odyssey yet, but I could maybe sometime bring Jupiter over to
show you guys, if you want.”
“We definitely want.”
Tommy replied, enthusiastically. “We haven’t played Bunnies in so long….” His
voice trailed off. He cleared his throat and turned away.
“Anyway, Aaron brought
over a new game to show us. Chaos Isle. Care to join us?”
“Sure. Let’s get some
lunch then we can play while we wait for it to digest before we hit the beach.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
Suddenly Aaron exclaimed
“Oh shit! I forgot something in the car. I’ll be right back.” He ran out then
rang the doorbell a few seconds later.
“I wonder who that could
be.” Jay said as he went and opened the door. “Aaron, you could have just come
back in. You didn’t need to ring the doorbell.”
“It’s not my home.
Otherwise, I would have.”
My home. Jay mentally repeated. I
like the sound of that. “So what did you forget?”
“This.” He opened the bag
and pulled out a deli tray of assorted cheese bits, sliced pepperoni, sliced
salami and crackers. “I thought we could munch on this while we played Chaos
Isle. I like to munch when I game. Usually it’s a veggie platter, but the deli
didn’t have any made up, so I had to settle for this.”
“Aaron” Jay began
carefully, “what we said to Tony and Billy also applies to you. You don’t have
to give us a bunch of stuff, or cook for us.”
He held up the platter. “I’m not giving this to you. I’m
sharing it with you. Like I said, I like to munch when I game. As far as the
cooking goes, I love to cook and entertain. I used to do it a lot before
Iukekini died. Now, I just can’t.”
“Why’s that?”
“After he died, I
couldn’t afford to keep the apartment, so I had to move into a one-room
shithole apartment above a strip joint.” He took a deep breath, afraid of the
reactions when he told them the rest. “You could fit my entire apartment in the
room I slept in last night and still have plenty of room to spare.”
“Aaron, I’m sorry. I
didn’t know. You can come and cook for us anytime you want, but just don’t feel
that you have to.”
“It’s a deal. Now, what
do you say we go kill some Zombies.”
“Kill some Zombies? I
thought we were going to learn how to play Chaos Isle?”
“We are. That’s what
Chaos Isle is all about.”
“Okay, let’s play.”
Aaron spent the next few
minutes explaining how to play the game then they played for several hours
without even realizing it. Soon it was too late to go swimming. “I’m sorry
guys. I hadn’t intended for us to play so long. I knew you wanted to hang out
at the beach.”
“Don’t be. We can hang
out at the beach anytime. I had a lot of fun. I want to get the game as soon as
I can. It’s awesome.” Jay glanced at his watch. “Shit! It’s five-thirty. We
need to start thinking about dinner.”
“That’s my department. If
you will permit me…”
“You know where the
kitchen is. Do you need any help?”
Aaron gave Jay a shy,
sweet smile. “No, but you could keep me company, if you’d like.”
“If you guys will excuse
me, I’m going to look over my case files and prepare for my appointments
tomorrow.” He left the guys to make dinner and went upstairs.
While Aaron made dinner,
Jay kept him company. The conversation was easy and light. After an incredible
dinner, they spent the evening playing Chaos Isle using the various game
styles. Around eleven they decided to call it a night and Aaron left, promising
to return in a few days. At last the time for his appointment with Tommy came
and once again he was sitting in Tommy’s office. “It’s been a long time since
you’ve been here to see me, Aaron. How are you doing?”
“I’m confused, Tommy.
Something’s happening to me that I don’t understand.”
“And what is that?”
“I think I’m starting to
develop feelings for someone.”
“You think you are, or
you are?” Tommy queried.
Aaron blushed. “I am, but
isn’t it too soon? Iukekini died a little over a year ago. Wouldn’t getting
involved with another guy be an insult to him and his memory?”
No, it wouldn’t, Aalona. Iukekini’s voice slipped quietly
into his mind, addressing him by the Hawaiian equivalent of his name. I want you to be happy, baby. You’ve been
sad for so long. Aaron stiffened in his chair.
Seeing Aaron’s eyes glaze over, Tommy
tapped him on the arm. “Aaron, are you okay?”
“No. I think I’m losing my mind.”
“Why’s that?”
“I think I just heard Iukekini’s
voice in my head telling me that he wants me to be happy and that it was okay
to be with someone new.”
“I don’t think you are losing your
mind. What you just experienced is not unheard of, and no, you would not be
dishonoring him. You've grieved for Iukekini as you should have, but now it's
time to move on with your life. It’s been what, a year you said?”
“Yeah.”
“We usually recommend waiting about a
year after the death of a spouse before dating again, just to make sure that
you are ready to begin dating again.”
“So how do I know if I’m ready?”
“I’m afraid there’s no mathematical
formula to determine that or a cut-and-dry answer. Everyone is different. Tell
me this. How do you feel when you’re around Jay?
“How did you know it was Jay?” Aaron
asked, caught completely off-guard.
“It wasn’t hard to figure out. All
someone has to do is see the way the two of you look at each other. Jay looks
at you the same way he used to look at Kyle, and you look at him the same way.”
“But he hasn’t said anything.”
“I’d be willing to bet that he’s
questioning himself the same way you are. Did you know that he and Kyle were
together for twenty-five years?”
“No, I didn’t know. Wow, what a
selfish asshole I am.”
“Why do you say that, Aaron?”
“Here I am feeling guilty about
betraying Iukekini, who I was with for only three years. I never even thought
to consider what Jay might be going through.”
“You couldn’t have known,
and you’re not being an asshole. Let me tell you a little something. Two years
ago, when Kyle died, Jay absolutely refused to sleep in the room he shared with
Kyle. He slept every night since then in one of the guest rooms.”
“Yeah, I overheard you
tell him that there would be more room if he slept in his own room, which
didn’t make sense to me at the time. Now it does.”
“Right. Well, the night
you stayed over when he went to bed, he went to bed in his own room. Not only that, but the next morning when you left
after breakfast he went to clean up the kitchen. He was whistling as he
unloaded the dishwasher, and I heard him singing in the shower, neither of
which he’s done since Kyle died.”
“Why is that, I wonder?”
Aaron asked.
“I can tell you why. You
came into his life. He’s finally opened his heart and let someone in and about
time too. You need to do the same. Open up to him. Let him in. I can tell he’s
head-over-heels in love with you, and I think you are in love with him as
well.”
I agree, Aalona. It’s time you let me go. Be with Jayson. The
two of you will be very happy together. You have so much love to give. He needs
that love. Do this for me, please. Share your love with him. Nothing would make
me happier than to see you happy again. Iukekini’s words floated gently into Aaron’s
mind. He started crying. This time, Tommy didn’t hesitate to pull him into his
arms and let him cry.
“It’s okay, Aaron.
Everything will be okay.” Tommy whispered.
Aaron pulled himself
together and pulled away from Tommy. “I know it will. I heard Iukekini’s voice
in my mind telling me to let go and be with Jay. I don’t know if he wants me or
not, but I’m willing to give it a shot.”
“Believe me, he does.
You’ll just have to take it slow and easy, one day at a time. Let me warn you,
though, if you hurt him, you’ll have me, Andy, Tony and Billy to deal with, not
to mention his kids.”
“Don’t worry. I have no
intention of hurting him. Wait a minute, he has kids?”
“You didn’t know? He and
Kyle adopted a boy and a girl. Adam is thirty, happily married with a son, and
Janita is twenty-seven and has a wife.”
“Wow. That really changes
things big time.”
“In what way?”
“What if we get together
and his kids don’t like me? It may come down to Jay having to choose between
his family and me, and if that happens, it will be over for us. He’d have to choose
his family over me. It would be wrong to choose me over his family, that plus
the fact that I’m only fifteen years older than Adam.”
“Trust me, that won’t
happen. As long as you make Jay happy and treat him right, they will love you.
The age difference won’t matter either. The only thing that matters in that
family is how everyone loves and treats one another”
“I hope so, but first I
have to win Jay over, then his kids.”
“Both of which will be a
lot easier than you think. Like I said earlier, he’s crazy about you. It will
just take time for him to come out and say it. Be patient with him.”
“Anything worth having is
worth waiting for, right?”
“You got it, and I don’t
think you’ll have to wait long.”
Aaron stood up and
extended his hand, which Tommy shook. “Thanks so much, Tommy. I appreciate you
taking time from your busy schedule to talk with me.”
“Any time Aaron, but
don’t bother to make an appointment next time. Just give me a call or stop by
the house. That’s what friends are for.” He gave him his business card.
A couple of tears escaped
Aaron’s eyes. “You don’t know how much that means to be to be called your
friend. I lost all of my friends when Iukekini died. I didn’t realize until
last night when I got home how much I missed having friends to cook for, play
games with and just hang out with.”
“You’re welcome to come
over anytime you want. Just be sure to call first and make sure someone is
home. I would hate to have you drive all the way out to the house and have
nobody there.”
“I will. Thanks so much,
Tommy.” He pulled Tommy into a hug of gratitude, then left.
[1]
Chaos Isle is copyright © and trademarked ™ by ReamsMasters Game Forge, 2008,
all rights reserved.
[2]
Magic: the Gathering is trademarked™ and
copyright © Wizards of the Coast, all rights reserved.
[3]
Killer Bunnies, Quest for the Magic Carrot, Journey to Jupiter and Ultimate
Odyssey are copyright © 2002-2010 by Jeffrey Neil Bellinger and Playroom
Entertainment, all rights reserved.
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